that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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