a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
