Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
