yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
