Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
