I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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