apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my being single is dangerous.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
