He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
