Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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