Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
