i think my mom watched the whole time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
