the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
