I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My bed smells like the plague
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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