My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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