Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
