five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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