Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
