im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sobbing to NWA
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
