So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
