I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
