Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
