You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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