Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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