I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tell me about the eggs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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