I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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