I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
