mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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