so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
