I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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