Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
