I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
