I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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