He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's like heaven, but drunker
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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