Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This baby is an asshole
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
