Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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