I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
