i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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