i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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