If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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