i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
