Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
