I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
