legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
