My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
