I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
