she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
