you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
