so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sarcasm needs its own font
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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