you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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