update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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