Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
