Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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