I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
