i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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