you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
