To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
