what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
