I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
