Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
