yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
