my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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