when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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