i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
