my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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