Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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