you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
