i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
