Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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