Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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