It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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