I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
