some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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