how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
