so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
