I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
