whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
