Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
