Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
